Another Scar
by wolfgirlalways
Summary: A look on John's life and how he came to be who he is. Companion to The Type of Man but not necessary to read it to understand this piece.


A/N A couple people asked for a companion to The Type of Man. Here it is. I struggled a lot more with John that with Rodney but i hope it's alirght. Thanks for reading.

The first scar John received was at a fair with his mom. They were watching the airplanes and a stall had blown over in the win. Young John had bravely pushed his mom out of harms way catching the corner in his hair. An Air Force officer had saluted his bravery as the medic had looked after him. That day with the planes and officer's had been the best of John's short life. Soon after his mother fell ill. After she died John focused on the flying.

He and his father did not see eye to eye. John wanted to feel the freedom of flying even as his dad tried to impose restrictions and clip his wings. Dave stopped playing in the yard with John as he spent more and more time following their father to meetings. The next scar John received was when he tried to fly. He had snuck away from the nanny and tied a sheet to his neck. Luckily the tree he choose to jump from wasn't high. John had cut and broken his wrist.

Dave, being the type of boy he was, with his nose always in books and his mind on business, was constantly picked on. Little John found his brother cornered and trying to talk his way out of the punches he was receiving. True to Sheppard motto however he was refusing the tears, not allowing them to fall.

John calmly and coolly fought his brother free earning yet another scar. This scar John was proud to bear. He had received it fighting for something he felt was right. From then on he always had an eye on his brother to keep him safe from bullies.

Sure Dave was always reading and studying but it was John that amazed the teachers with his grades. Usually they didn't look past the fighting and detentions to see the brilliant and somewhat lonely boy underneath. His father was to busy running the business and his brother was to busy trying to be like his father. His classmates where intimidated by his almost constant black eyes and his reputation. In high school John joined the wrestling team. There he made a friend. They even went to the recruiters office together the night before graduation. They didn't talk much after. They were never home at the same time. They wrote occasionally.

But John, for the first time, was free. Free from the suffocating plans his father had for him, free from the memory of his mother in every room of the house, free from the accusing eyes of his brother as he and his father fought, again. Free from the reputation as a fighter. Here he was accepted. He was on the fast track for success, a brilliant up and rising pilot.

It was just after he got his first promotion that he married. She was amazing and gorgeous and for once John's father approved. He and Nancy were welcomed to the family home. John and his father for once saw eye to eye about something and they didn't fight. It didn't last. Nancy wanted John to stay home and retire. John…. Couldn't. For all that they loved each other they were just to different. They parted ways and John headed off to Afghanistan to fly there. He got close to those men. They fought together and lived together under the most extreme circumstances.

John continued to shine, earning glowing records and comments. He climbed easily and swiftly through the ranks.

It all ended when word came that a couple of John's friends where stuck behind enemy lines. John fought all day, insisting he could get them out. They flatly refused each time. The flat refusal to rescue his comrades removed all respect for superior officers in John's eyes. He left during the night. It wasn't easy. He was shot down by enemy fire just after rescuing his comrades. His comrades already nearly dead from the treatment they had received all day while John had been forced to wait, didn't made it through. John had a rough time as well. For his troubles he received a jagged scar that ran from knee to hip on one leg and a court marshal. This scar John was ashamed off. It showed failure.

John, after losing those he saw as brothers, drew back onto himself. Sure he was still his cocky smiling self but it never truly reached his eyes. He was just fine flying higher ups to and from a secluded base in Antarctica. He craved the solitude. He didn't want to get close to more men. Where others saw cold and snow John saw immense freedom. In his helicopter it was just John, the wide open terrain and the endless blue of the sky. There where no missiles no bullets no superiors to please. Just John.

Along came O'Neill and Weir. Before John could blink he was stepping through a wormhole into another galaxy.

John was introduced to McKay an annoying egotistic scientist and in him John recognized a familiar lonely soul. In another life surrounded by sun baked sand and burley soldiers, John would never have placed any faith in the loud arrogant man. But here, surrounded by the cool ocean and ancient tech, here John placed his trust in him.

And in placing his trust he slowly began to grow closer to the arrogant man. He understood that McKay wasn't just arrogant because he was brilliant but that it was a type of barrier. It kept the loneliness away. It was the barrier that John understood. So John set about calmly destroying it. Not out of cruelty but because he knew how painful that barrier was.

What he didn't realize however was as he slowly brought down Rodney's barrier, Rodney and the others of Atlantis were bringing his down. In his talks with Teyla he told her things he had not told anyone else and she calmly excepted him. Elizabeth could get through to John when most others simply would not bother. Ronon, John trusted to be there, each and every time just as John was there for him. And Rodney, was Rodney. John trusted Rodney in a way he had never trusted anyone before. He trusted Rodney to get him out of situations he was unprepared for. Sure physically he still stood guard over his obnoxious friend but where situations demanded thinking John would lay his bet on McKay every time with no hesitation. He might give McKay hell in the process but he trusted.

Through this time John was adding to his scars. He found that he didn't mind them. They told stories. Each one a testament to someone he saved. It was Rodney helped him understand the other types, the ones that told of someone he hadn't saved. It was just after loosing Ford, when John sat on the pier staring out at the ocean.

"You can't save everyone." Rodney had stated sitting down with a huff. He clanked two glasses and a jug of the stuff the scientist had been brewing in an abandoned lab.

It tasted alright but burned on the way down and had the desired effect.

"It's my job."

"Not exactly. Your job is to lead these people. And you're fighting in a war. These people are well aware of that John. They choose this. They choose to listen to you. To not loose a single person we'd have to close up the gate and watch the universe keep going. You can't save lives sitting in a cave watching. What you do is make the safest and most thought out course and prepare them in everyway. After you've chosen the path and trained them then it actually falls to them to bring themselves home. Sure you can guide them and bravely rush into danger to help but you have to understand there is only so much you yourself can do…."

Rodney went on for awhile scarcely stopping to breath. John stopped listening and thought deeply on what he had said.

So when John found himself laying in the infirmary bed while Ronon watched everyone silently Teyla breathed deeply and Rodney went on and on about something he found that he could smile. He didn't mind the knew scar. Not just because he had earned it saving a group of children from death but because he wasn't alone. Rodney had found the children with some ancient tech and Ronon and Teyla had stood beside him in the fight. No longer was John alone with the weight of the world. His family were there with him. Standing beside him to help him save people and fight the good fight.

No longer did those he called family tie him down and wish to keep him home safe. No, his Pegasus family understood John, fought beside John and but another part of the wings that lifted him up, higher and freer than he could have accomplished alone.

They were another blissful part of his freedom.


End file.
